Giving Up: The Mighty Dead is.....DEAD

Three years ago, on the outside, I looked great. On the inside? I was toxic. Insecure. Jealous. Obsessed. Desperate to “make my mark.” What if I never attained my dreams? What if my “progress” shriveled up and stopped, and people “forgot” about me?

And then, with a mighty swipe, God swung his ax and took a gigantic bite out of the tree of my dreams. Over the past three years, He's simultaneously blessed me...and has kept swinging that ax, trying to chop down my “goals” and “dreams.”

That tree is almost down. I say almost, because unfortunately, I've been holding onto those dreams, in my pitiful strength, trying to prop up what God is trying to bring down.

Does this mean I'm done writing? No. I don't think so. Does this mean I'm done writing horror? I don't think that, either. Nor will I be writing “Christian Supernatural Thrillers” anytime soon. I read recently about searching for God's will in your life, that the most logical thing to do is to search out how you can “blossom where you've been planted.”

I've been planted with this family and a wonderful wife, with a wonderfully creative daughter and a wonderfully off-beat and likewise creative high-functioning autistic son. I've been planted as a high school English teacher. I've also been planted in the horror genre.

So here I will remain.

How is this going to go?

I don't know.

But I got a glimpse recently in Phil Vischer's memoir about the rise and fall of his production company Big Idea, and his beloved creation, The Veggie Tales. It was an entertaining, illuminating read, and though much of it didn't relate directly to me, several passages leaped out at me near the end. Regarding dreams and goals, Phil realized something very important when God likewise chopped down his dream:

If I am a Christian – if I have given Christ lordship of my life – where I am in five years is none of my business. Where I am in twenty years is none of my business. Where I am tomorrow is none of my business.

And...

God is enough for you. But you can't discover the truth of that statement while you're clutching at your dreams. You need to let them go. Let yourself fall. Give up.

There's a lot more that hit me. Bits about making an impact for God when you're following God, not your own plans and dreams of making an impact. But these two quotes hit me between the eyes, because that's what I need to do, I know. Get myself to a place where God is enough. Where – thought I can still enjoy writing, enjoy the gift He gave me, and try to serve Him through it – I don't need it more than I need Him. I'm not sure if this analogy works...but for a guy who used to equate writing with breath, it's like I need to stop breathing, and let God do the breathing for me.

How's this all going to go?
I have no idea.

And for the first time, I'm getting to be okay with that.

Which is good, because I think, like I recently pronounced my Billy the Kid Weird Western DOA, I've got to pronounce my ghost story, The Mighty Dead....DOA, also. Why?

That's for next time.