Coffin Hop 2011, Day Two: Most Awkward. Costume. Ever. And Win Christopher Golden.

Welcome to Day Two of Coffin Hop 2011.  For a full explanation of what that is, see this post. Also, for a chance at Nate Southard's limited edition novella, He Stepped Through, visit yesterday's blog and share your best-favorite-most vivid Halloween memory ever.

SO, we've all had the awkward costumes, I imagine.  Ideas  that just didn't pan out the way we'd hoped.  Now, this is going to crossover a little with yesterday's post for most vivid memories (see entry about the blue grease paint), but seeing as how it's a little more specific, I'm gonna run with it.  Most Awkward. Costume. EVER.

My most awkward costume ever came when I was about twenty-six or so.  Friends of my then-fiance, but NOT the girl I ended up marrying (another story for another time), decided to have a grown-up Halloween costume party (notice I didn't say "ADULT" Halloween party. But I digress).  Seemed like a good idea in theory. The guys planning it were real wild cards, and we figured on one heck of a time.

Eh...not so much.  Turns out EVERYONE had thought it'd be a good idea in theory, but when we got there, no one exactly knew what to do.  We all sat around in a basement den, dressed as cats and vampires and zombies and whatever, just doing...nothing.  I think Monster Mash was playing in the background, and I ALSO remember the dish someone had made: a clever little ice cream cake with crushed Oreo toppings to make it look like gravel, IE. kitty litter, AND, you guessed it: clumps of a brown substance that looked VERY much like cat droppings, but were really taffy and chocolate.

As it happened, our host had a little too much fun pretending he was eating cat poo.  Also, another story for another time.

Anyway, I decided that year to dress as Brandon Lee's The Crow.  Got the white face-paint, black eye paint, all black outfit with combat books, trench coat, and a black stringy wig.  Problem is, it'd been several years since The Crow had hit the theaters, and apparently,  not many people  remembered it.  Also, Brandon Lee was a lithe, wiry guy.  Me, not so much, with the big broad shoulders and chest.  SO, instead of looking like this:

I looked like this:

So yeah, okay, I guess I looked a little like the wrestler Sting, pretty intimidating and all...but really totally not what I was going for.  AND, for my weapon of choice, I picked a battle axe from the dollar store. Who KNOWS why.

No one knew who I was supposed to be.  One guy said "Psycho axe murder".   Then, when I tried to explain about Brandon Lee and the Crow, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Oh. Missed that movie."    At least my buddy did better.  He wore a simple white karate gi, and everyone said: "Hey! You're the Karate Kid, aren't you?"  

His name was even Dan.

Anyway, chalk up one AWKWARD Halloween costume that just didn't pan out.  So, my request for today?  Your - or someone else's - most AWKWARD Halloween costume.  If you've got photos, even better.  Up for the offering today: the ARC (advance reading copy) of The Secret Backs of Things, Christopher Golden's short story collection, published by Cometary Dance.  Description below:

A wide-ranging author of horror, YA, and comic books, Golden presents 18 striking short stories from all facets of the dark fantastic, accompanied by intriguing authorial afterthoughts and Glenn Chadbourne's unsettling mythic illustrations. Golden's first published story, "One," provides backstory to his Shadow Saga (Of Saints and Shadows, etc.). In "Pa-Kow," a youngster's shoot-'em-up game dooms him to disaster. The long out-of-print "The Shell Collector" pays homage to relatives who loved the sea's eternal mysteries. "Burning Questions" and "The Urge," replete with explicit nastiness, unmask the strange unconscious urges deep beneath human personalities. "Venus and Mars" is a savage denunciation of child molesters. The scorching "Pyre" mixes ancient Viking echoes with a Freudian Electra complex. 

These chillingly realized glimpses of the abyss are not for the faint of heart. (Nov.) (c)  Copyright © PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved. 

And, don't forget....you can still toss your hat in the ring for Nate Southard's limited edition novella, He Stepped Through.  

So. Awkward costume attempts....?