The Struggle of the Artist

Taking a quick break in getting my classroom back together for another year of fun and follies, I found myself watching the video for Evanescence's song "Going Under". I find myself listening to it and watching it often because I love Evanescence and their music, but I'm always struck by it's message about the existence of the performer/artist.  Even though MY writing career (and it's barely a career, at that) isn't even close to being this tormented, I can't help but make the connection to the writing career.



So you have the beleaguered artist/writer/singer, at the mercy of her fans - which, more than likely, was all she wanted at first: some fans, folks who appreciated her work.  But now it's grown into a monster that always wants to feed - so she must always be on stage, performing, to keep the masses happy - lest they turn into monsters and consume her completely.  The images of the make-up artists and fans turning into snarling beasts ready to tear her apart is chilling, to say the least.

And of course, this is backed up by the song's lyrics, with the constant references to deception, lies, pouring oneself out until there's nothing left, constantly trying to be heard above all the demands and clamor (clamor perhaps born directly from success), the theme of drowning - in one's own life, career, even drowning in someone the artist used to trust.

Even more striking? The image at the end, when her band mate morphs briefly into one of the same monsters raging in the crowd.  Implication? Who can you trust?  Maybe not even those closest to you.

Chilling.  And fortunately, my career isn't there yet.  Maybe it never will be, (which may be a blessing in disguise) but if I can keep my family and faith and friends, hold them close, learn who to trust and who not...I'll be okay.  I'll have life preservers, and I won't drown.  Because let's be honest...

Can't hope to ride the waves of success without getting tossed off, now and then....

LYRCIS:

Now I will tell you what I've done for you -
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won't hear me.
(going under)
Don't want your hand this time - I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring - the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm...

So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again (again)
I've got to breathe - I can't keep going under

I'm dying again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under...